I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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