Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
