i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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