Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
