you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm passing your future prison.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
