my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
