you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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