My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
