My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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