I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
