I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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