My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
