As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
