turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
