I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
