....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize