i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
