Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
