Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
