She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
