i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
