is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize