I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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