my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i came on her dog
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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