I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
