Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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