You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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