I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
