Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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