how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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