when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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