hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
