I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
