dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
either way he was missing a nipple.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
