So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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