I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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