Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Blood and glitter go together right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
