I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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