My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
