that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
