I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it because I queefed?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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