i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
