The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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