3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
