fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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