I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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