I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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