Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have feelings that need drinking.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
