note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
