$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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