Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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