The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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