I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
