Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
