He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
