I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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