Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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