Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
