Banned from zoo.
Again?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
