how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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