His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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