God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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