Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
