he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
