so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
