You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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