I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
