After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
