I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
