I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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