you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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