the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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