"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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