so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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