im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
